Abby says…hi

My first blog! Right, let's do this.

Hello lovely reader, my name is Abby, I'm thirty, flirty and thriving!...Well, the first one at least.

I'm originally from Nottingham, UK but I now live in Manchester, UK. (Obviously, you already know this mum and dad but I'm going to continue on, as if people, other than you, might discover this blog and give it a read. Perhaps friends, or extended family, or maybe even someone who's accidentally clicked a link from a search engine.)

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a joker and a storyteller. Growing up, I loved creative writing and had a penchant for funny poems, which were almost always well-received, with the exception of my older sister's 21st birthday, but that's a stroll down Memory Lane that's best avoided.

Storytelling has often played a key role in my attitude towards life. A mantra of mine, in my twenties, before any first date, was:

"At best, you might meet someone great and at worst, you get a story to tell."

For years, my friends and I joked about writing a book of dating disasters, so the mantra was usually followed up with the advice:

"If it's boring, just sabotage it to make it funnier for the book."

I stand by that, although these days I just have to say it to myself, because my smart and gorgeous friends had the audacity to meet kind and worthy partners.

It might not come as a surprise to know that I've used my writing and people skills to build myself a career in communications. I didn’t go directly down this specific career path, I went more around the houses...and villages... and some roundabouts and roadworks, but nonetheless, here I am in just about one piece. I have a serious grown up job, where I write about serious, grown up things.

In my spare time (mostly between 12am and 4am, as I'm an insomniac, who can't switch her brain off) I feel the need to write out my thoughts about whatever is keeping me awake. I find writing cathartic; it allows me to focus and process information in a way that I struggle to do in my head, because I have ADHD.

For most of us, our words are the most powerful tool we have. I'm lucky and grateful, that amongst my layers of privilege, I had supportive and encouraging parents and access to good free state education.

I'm lucky enough to have a voice and opinions and the freedom to express them. Therefore, I hope to use my words well, to discuss subjects which might help, or resonate with, others.

In my experience, the words that have made the biggest impact on my life have either: validated, educated or challenged me. It is a core belief of mine, that we must keep learning in life, sharing our knowledge and our truth, or we are destined to repeat the mistakes of the past. How can we improve anything in the world if we just stay still? When we challenge ourselves to broaden our minds, we open ourselves up to genuine, authentic connection and healing.

Until now, I've tended to share my ramblings on social media and when I feel an issue is important for people to know about but it's not my place to speak on it, I share and recommend content from those with lived experience and/or expert knowledge on that specific topic/area.

Going back to Summer 2022, just before I turned 30, I was watching, liking and engaging with content I found funny and/or relatable on TikTok and other socials. Then the algorithms began showing me videos, memes and articles about ADHD. I realised many of my favourite content creators actually had ADHD and the reasons I liked them was because I shared their sense of humour, as well as their struggles.

After gliding through life like a swan (with a shorter, less elegant neck), paddling furiously below the surface to stay afloat, I finally started to capsize when I went to university. I first sought mental health support in my final year of study and the counsellor I spoke to said I had anxiety and depression. Although, with hindsight the symptoms I was describing were all ADHD but less was known about how ADHD presented in women in 2013. I spent the next 9 years trying different therapies, treatments and medications but nothing seemed to work.

When I learned the characteristics and symptoms of ADHD, it was like someone turned on the lights in a great hall and instead of fumbling around in the dark, believing I was alone, the room was suddenly aglow and I could seen there were many people like me, in the dark about their own mental health.

I began to reflect on my behaviours, emotions and actions, making connections between my lived experience and what I’d read, watched or listened to.

Throughout my life I’ve been obsessive about things I’m interested in, for an ADHDer this is called 'hyperfixation'. As a child it was musicals the same ones on repeat until I ruined it for myself. As a teenager, it was musicals and boys, (although, I hardly dared to speak to any actual boys, just my Ryan Gosling poster).

As an adult, in my oblivious pre-diagnosis era, I've always had a strong sense of social justice and I became hyper-fixated on the unfairness in the world. Whether it was Black Lives Matter, trans human rights, the underfunding of public services, police brutality, income inequalities or the cost of living crisis. This is why I can’t watch the TV news, I get enough information from news online without subjecting myself to images of people suffering and me being unable to help in a tangible way.

A strong sense of social justice, hyper-fixation and hypersensitivity/extreme empathy are all traits of ADHD which make living in a world of 24/7 news hugely overwhelming. Pre-diagnosis my intensity about what was right and wrong rubbed some people up the wrong way however, I believe that my heart is in the right place and even if my ADHD makes me a bit intense sometimes there’s not much I can do about it so I have to accept that some people won't see that my values come from a big heart.

It's funny to think, I just attributed my passion and enthusiasm to being a Leo. If you made it this far , especially in one go, congrats, you have a longer attention span than I do.

Until next time, thanks for reading folks…folk…mum and dad.

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